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[Tenipuri] Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Title: Stupid Is As Stupid Does
Pairing/Characters: Yamato, Kirihara, Yanagi
Rating: PG/PG-13 for language
Word Count: 882
Summary: He don't got no head lice.
Notes: Written for yuki_scorpio with the prompt Yamato, Kirihara, and hair. tenipuri_fusion-verse. ...Uh. Pez. This is what I was writing while you were high on Fanta. XD; I blame the vodka. And the Jagermeister. Really.

"Sit down."


Mutually displeased young men stared at each other - one with a comb in hand and the other with a head full of curly hair due to be checked.

"Look, we can stand here all day, but you still have to get it done."

"Not by you. 'Sides, I've got plenty of time."

Why Yamato had been assigned to help out checking Kirihara's class for head lice was anyone's guess, but he did suppose it was easier to have those in their final years help to check over their underclassmen - having the school nurse check over several thousand heads would have taken days.

Yamato bit back a few choice words and tried to smile with a clenched jaw. "You don't have a choice. I'm in charge of your class. Now sit." He made a move to grab Kirihara's arm, his other hand tucking his mobile discreetly back in to his pocket.

"There ain't nothin' on my head that shouldn't be there, and don't fucking touch me, asshole." Kirihara snapped, jerking his arm out of Yamato's reach. He didn't appear to care that his classmates were beginning to give him annoyed looks and rolling their eyes at him - fuck them, they didn't matter anyway.

Yamato closed his eyes for a moment and sucked in a breath through his nose. "Kirihara-kun," he tried to keep his voice steady and free from annoyance. "I don't want to do this any more than you want me to do it, but it's mandatory for both of us. Look at it this way: The sooner you let me do it, the sooner you can get the hell out of here and the happier we'll both be." Honestly, trying to talk to Kirihara was like trying to talk to a five-year-old - you never could tell when one or the other was about to throw a fit. "There might even be cookies in it for you later, I saw Yukimura-kun on his way out earlier."

Kirihara eyed Yamato carefully. Old Seigaku-buchou was probably lying - Buchou hadn't said anything about cookies during lunch break. "I'd get cookies anyway," he pointed out. "'Coz he likes me more than you." And Yamato totally wasn't worth the Buchou-cookies.

"I see you're making friends again, Akaya." A large hand dropped on top of Kirihara's head and ruffled his hair lightly, and a few of the girls still in line giggled.

"Yanagi-san! Tell him I don't got no stupid head lice and that he ain't allowed to touch me. He's being stupid again." Kirihara edged closer to Yanagi and stuck his tongue out.

"Yamato-senpai should definitely check you, then. You said it yourself."

"No! I said he doesn't 'coz I don't got no stupid lice!"

"Precisely. That's a double-negative, therefore implying that you do indeed have head lice."

"I don't!" Kirihara made a grouchy face. Stupid Yanagi-san, that wasn't what he said! Yamato, meanwhile, simply stood back and let Yanagi do the work - there wasn't any way the kid would go against anything Yanagi told him to do,

"Prove it." Yanagi challenged, casting a quick glance at Yamato. "If you don't have lice, you should have no problems in proving it."

Kirihara parted his hair slightly and pointed to his scalp. "See? Nothin'. Can I go now?"

"No. That wasn't nearly good enough proof. Sit down, Akaya. You can't prove anything by showing me three strands of hair."

Kirihara pouted slightly, but he did as Yanagi said and slid easily into the seat. "Look yourself, then."

"Oh, no, that won't do." Yanagi replied, stepping in front of Kirihara and essentially blocking off his best escape route. "Yamato-senpai should do it, he's the best choice to be an impartial judge."

"Nah uh! No way!" Any escape plan Kirihara had had was now completely foiled - Yanagi covered his bases a bit too well. "Don't want his stupid ass touching me. He's got germs, yanno. Stupid germs, and if he touches me I'll get dumber."

Yamato couldn't help but cough politely.

"You're acting like a baby, Akaya." Yanagi frowned slightly. "It's unbecoming of a Rikkai student, particularly one aiming for captaincy next term."

Finally, Yamato thought. Finally someone was saying exactly what he had been thinking for months. "May as well," he piped, producing his comb once again and stepping behind a now very much trapped Kirihara Akaya. "Just a minute . . . ." He took his sweet time, sliding a fine-toothed comb through inky curls and parting the hair for a peek while Yanagi kept the brat busy.

"All clean!" He finally announced, stepping back and away from Kirihara. "You're free to go." And good riddance.

Yanagi likewise stepped away and gave Yamato a Look over Kirihara's head. "Let's go, Akaya. Seiichi said something about cookies."

Kirihara stuck his tongue out again - ha! He'd been right and they'd been wrong, no stupid weird little bugs in his head at all and he was the winner.

Several minutes and hallways later, Yanagi's phone vibrated with a new message.

Thx! <3 wut a brat!

Smiling to himself and completely ignoring Kirihara's inquiring look he replied, fingers tapping easily over his phone's keyboard.

¥2000 under the door.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 16th, 2008 01:11 am (UTC)
*giggles* Akaya may be one of my favorites, but he sure is a brat!

Jun. 16th, 2008 07:13 am (UTC)
That's way too steep, Ren-kun.

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )



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