he just wants your yakisoba (mikage) wrote in sthugaiz,
he just wants your yakisoba

[Tenipuri] It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World

Title: It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
Pairing: Niou/OC, Niou/Girl!Yagyuu
Rating: I am hesitant to rate it NC-17. (Actually, I rate it safe for no one. :D)
Word Count: 9592 words
Warnings: BADFIC AHOY. Genderswitch, über-asshole Niou, "het" porn. Bizarreness and wrongness abounds.
Summary: I honestly cannot think of a decent summary for this. In which Niou is an epic asshole, Yagyuu is pissy, Yukimura is evil and botches Sanada's tarundoru-power, Yagyuu gets boobs and other girlieparts, Yanagi is all-knowing (naturally), Kirihara plays some Wii Tennis with Yagyuu-sis (the younger), Niou stops being such an asshole and boy shenanigans are had.
Notes: Written for reposoir at balls_it_up. Without a doubt the worst piece of (tennis) garbage I have ever written. Also haven't written hetporn (fic-wise, though otherwise still not too recently) in about 8 years. *headdesk*

Seven names, twenty-one dates and numerous explicit notes penned in margins. Seven names for seven girls, seven names for seven so-called "relationships". Niou studied the small black notebook on his desk, a self-satisfied smirk curling on his lips as he skimmed the text carefully. If all went his way, an eighth name would be added soon.

Niou leaned back in his chair, notebook flipped shut and knuckles cracked as he stared at the clock behind his teacher's head. Great, only five more minutes until he could put his plan into action, a plan that would hopefully land him right in the spot he wanted to be in. When the bell finally rang he quickly stuffed his things in his bag, halfway out the door before the bag had even fully settled across his back.

It didn't take long for Niou to spot his target: a short girl with high pigtails and an excessive amount of makeup painted on her face talking animatedly with a group of likewise overly accessorized classmates. He maneuvered easily through the hallway, a hand dropped onto her shoulder and a deceptively charming smile on his face. "Yumi-chan," He said in an all too familiar way, sidling closer to face her.

"Niou-kun," The look on her face clearly said the intrusion was not particularly welcome. "Do you need something?"

He had expected that, and paid it no mind. "Yes, actually. I was wondering, since practice is canceled tomorrow, if you would do me the honor of going on a date with me. Anywhere you want to go." He made sure to make himself look extra hopeful, and ignored the giggling drones surrounding them.

Yumi rolled her eyes. After a few moments of feigned deliberation she finally responded. "Fine. Four-thirty sharp, you're paying, and don't bring any of your sweaty tennis friends with you." She said pointedly.

"It's a date!" Niou replied excitedly, grinning widely and shifting his bag. "Gotta run, though. See ya!" One hand was stuffed into his pocket and the other waved slightly as he turned away to leave. He didn't make it more than ten metres before a distasteful noise caught his attention and Yagyuu joined him.

"They're going to catch on to what you're doing, sooner or later." He said in a mildly irritated tone, jaw tight and eyes narrowed. What Niou was doing to those girls was despicable if anything; no one deserved to be used and immediately dropped in the way his doubles partner seemed to be so fond of doing . . . yet at the same time, he somehow felt the tiniest spark of jealousy over the attention they received. "Did she agree?" He sincerely hoped she hadn't.

"Yeah. Tomorrow, after school." Niou didn't appear to be fazed by the thinly veiled threat. "I don't see that it's any business of yours, though." He replied flippantly, shoving the door open and stepping out into the sunlight.

"On the contrary, it is my business. You were supposed to be doing the club shopping with me tomorrow. I can't carry everything on my own." Yagyuu frowned, arms folding over his chest.

"Eeehhh," Niou made a face. "Get Akaya to go with you. Or Renji, he can carry more stuff than a pack mule." What was the big deal, anyway? It wasn't like he was the only one with a day off.

Yagyuu cleared his throat. As he often was recently, Niou was being infuriatingly childish. "My point is, as a member of the club, you have responsibilities that you need to take care of." It was not a matter of whether or not their other teammates were free; it was a matter of doing the things one was asked to do. "And, if I remember correctly, Yukimura only let you off last time because you promised you'd go this time."

"Because you care oh so very much about my well-being." Niou snorted. "You sound like you're just trying to get me alone. Are you a fag or somethin'? Quit fucking obsessing already, Yukimura'll get over it. I'll pay Akaya off if I have to."

Yagyuu's frown deepened. "It's your funeral." He growled, picking up his pace to bypass Niou and leave him behind. Continuing the conversation would only serve to put the both of them on edge, and with how poorly they had been working together recently their captain and vice-captain would not be thrilled if they learned he'd said or done something to throw off their game even further. He took a deep breath as he pulled open the clubroom door, the usual pleasant mask sliding back over his face as he greeted several teammates. He could take care of this later. For now, he'd simply pretend the conversation had never taken place and get through practice as best he could.


Niou paid no attention to the nude body still lying in his bed. The notebook lay open on his desk, his pen poised over paper for a moment before he finally began writing. Two weeks had now passed and a second date had been written in next to Yumi's name. She had been far easier than Niou had first suspected; most of the girls he'd gone after had taken at least a month to finally put out. Ah, well. It just meant he only had a few more days until he could get rid of her and her obnoxious cat-howl of a laugh and move on to bigger and better things; he'd nearly given up on multiple occasions already and almost wished he hadn't chosen her to begin with.

Wrinkling his nose slightly Niou put the notebook away, head tilting back towards the bed with an eyebrow cocked. "You, get out. I said I'd sleep with you, not take you on as my new roommate." He said in a mildly irritated tone. "Got shit to do." The look on Yumi's face clearly stated that she did not like being ordered around, even less so by the young man she'd just recently been intimate with.

"Masshaaaan," She whined, stretching her limbs before finally sitting up. "It's still so early." She did not appear to be embarrassed by the fact she was completely nude while her counterpart was once again fully clothed, but the annoyed glare sent her way gave her all the incentive she needed to gather up her clothes and begin redressing. Tch. Men. Let them fuck you in the ass once and they walk all over you.

Yumi took a few minutes to brush her hair and reapply smeared makeup, primping herself in a small mirror before blowing a kiss on the way out the door. Oh yes. Niou-kun was going to pay for kicking her out, and dearly. It would only be a matter of time before she exacted her revenge (blue balls, anyone?).

Once the girl had left Niou picked up his mobile phone, flipping the case open and hitting several keys before setting it aside while it rang. Three rings and a tired voice finally came over the phone's speaker.

"Niou-kun?" It wasn't particularly late, but Yagyuu had opted for a nap before dinner and the obnoxious ring tone Niou had set on his phone had done a damn good job of dragging him out of sleep's sweet embrace. "What do you want." He asked flatly – Niou never called him unless he wanted something.

"Hello to you too, dickweed." He didn't wait for another response; he could already tell Yagyuu was pissier than usual. "Need your opinion on something," Niou paused, listening for a sign that he should continue.

"Very well. What, then." Yagyuu yawned – why did Niou sound so hollow? "Do you have me on speaker?"

"Duh, I'm busy. Anyway, here's the thing. Takada gave it up way earlier than I thought she would, so I'm trying to decide whether or not to keep my month rule or just get it over with. I mean, she's got that annoying fucking laugh and she never shuts up, not to mention she's way too fucking clingy." Niou made a face – he wasn't the after-sex-spill-your-guts cuddling talking type, goddammit. "So my question is, do I dump her now, or wait longer? I mean, doing it tomorrow would be way too suspicious, but waiting longer than necessary will just make me miserable."

Yagyuu could feel a headache beginning to blossom. He took a deep breath in attempt to calm himself down; as much as he would have enjoyed doing so if he wasn't half asleep, he did not really feel like verbally ripping Niou a new asshole. "I do not know why you're asking me this, but if you want my honest opinion, here it is: Try thinking about someone's feelings besides your own. You've hurt several very nice girls with what you did – what you're doing – to them."

"I did nothing. Never forced them to do anything. I was merely very convincing." Niou frowned at his phone. Yagyuu made it sound like he'd gone and forcibly raped them all, when in fact they had each been completely aware and willing participants in all sexual acts. It wasn't his fault girls took things way too seriously and thought any guy who gave them the time of day was their one and only.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: They're going to catch on to what you're doing, sooner or later. I can be almost certain you won't like what happens after that. Ah, hold on --" Yagyuu's hand covered the mouthpiece of his phone for a moment, and Niou could hear two muffled voices –Yagyuu's and a woman's, presumably his mother's. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go, dinner is ready. Goodbye, Niou-kun." Yagyuu didn't wait for a reply; he merely hung up.

"Go to hell." Niou muttered at the dial tone now loudly emitting from his phone. "What would a virgin know, anyway." The phone was flipped shut and tossed aside, leaving Niou to once again stare at the cover of his notebook. Three days, then, he decided. Three days and it would all be over. The only question now was how to do it and keep her quiet about everything at the same time. This was going to be brilliant.


There were times that Yagyuu thought Niou to be a good person. There were times he thought he could be sweet and kind, and there were times he felt almost jealous of all the time Niou spent chasing girls around their school's campus. Unfortunately, these times were few and far between since they had become third years; the Niou Yagyuu saw now was little more than a womanizing asshole who cared for very little but himself and his own happiness. Niou no longer treated him as a friend or partner, but rather someone he had to work with to get a job done. At one point Niou had even requested to change doubles partners permanently, but after several trial matches their captain had come to the conclusion that he did not work nearly as well with Marui or Yanagi or anyone else as he did with Yagyuu. Their individual play styles complemented each other perfectly, and they were able to quickly and easily adapt to even the most minute of changes on the fly.

Niou, it seemed, just wanted to have a good time, whereas Yagyuu's only goal was to help Rikkai take the win no matter the sacrifices he had to make. That had been the main cause of the wall built between them now; Yagyuu had stopped trying to make the game interesting for Niou, and Niou had stopped trying to help Yagyuu bring their opponents down one by one. It was sad, in a way, to think that they had once been fairly close -- laughing together, playing together and once even crying together -- but now . . . now Niou barely spoke to Yagyuu if he didn't absolutely have to and Yagyuu had grown to almost hate the Niou that stood before him now. Maybe it was his fault for not noticing that Niou had begun to change to begin with. Maybe it was Niou's fault for allowing himself to get so caught up in his own selfishness. Maybe it was both of their fault, for not talking or coming to some sort of agreement earlier. Yagyuu did not know whom to blame, but he was certain the fault lied with one -- or both -- of them and no one else.

Yagyuu had long since determined that whatever had happened with Niou had happened the spring break prior to their third year. Niou had left the school on the final day of their second year as he always had -- joking around and laughing, an arm slung over Yagyuu's shoulders and head close, rapidly explaining all of his plans for vacation in a hushed voice. When he returned to school for the new term something about him had changed; he had a wilder edge to him and his face had a more sullen look to it (perhaps only noticeable to Yagyuu). He wasn't laughing as much, he didn't hang out with the rest of the team as often and his interest in dating had seemed to take a complete 180 from no one to whoever he possibly could.

It was about time, Yagyuu decided, that he would find out why. If not for his own curiosity, then for the sake of their partnership and their team. It would take some quick and clever thinking to get Niou to tell him why, but he was sure he could do it. A phone call to Yukimura should be enough -- it would be easy to say he was concerned about the upcoming tournament and that maybe all he and Niou needed was some extra practice without the distraction of the rest of the team to get back in top form. Niou wouldn't disobey Yukimura directly in front of his face, and if need be, they could push him back in a corner.

The following day the plan was settled and the following week found both Niou and Yagyuu facing Sanada and Yukimura from across the net. "Ready?" Yukimura piped cheerfully, taking a step back and twisting to serve the ball. The ball was faster than Yagyuu had expected – Niou should have noticed it first but did nothing – and he barely managed to return it. The high lob had went straight in front of Sanada, who easily smashed it back for the point. The game continued on in a similar fashion, leaving Yagyuu and Niou with what, had they been anywhere but practicing alone, would have been a humiliating defeat.

"Niou!" Sanada barked, narrowed eyes focusing hard on the boy opposite him. "You're not even trying to support Yagyuu. You're making him do all of the work. If that's how you're going to be, you can turn in your resignation letter tomorrow morning." Sanada twitched slightly when he felt two fingers dig into his side in a sharp pinch and a low, barely audible voice murmured threateningly at him.

"What he means is, you want to have fun, right?" Yukimura smiled – Sanada was kind of cute when he thought he had the right to do Yukimura's job for him. However, that did not mean that Yukimura would let him get away with it. "It's not going to be any fun if you don't even try for it. The fun isn't just going to fall in your lap. Is the team really that boring for you this year?"

"Nah, not boring. This guy," Niou jerked a thumb back to indicate Yagyuu. "Just doesn't know how to have fun anymore." He made a slightly disgusted face. "It's always 'Do this, Niou-kun.', 'do that, Niou-kun.', 'you're not doing it right, Niou-kun.', 'we're not going to win like that, Niou-kun.'. It's a bunch of bullshit. I don't need to take orders from him."

Yagyuu shifted uncomfortably – maybe he had been hard on Niou from time to time, but it certainly wasn't because he wanted to control him. If anything it was quite the opposite; he wanted Niou to take some initiative and contribute to their partnership with his own ideas.

"Hmm," Yukimura put a finger to his chin to exaggerate his thought. "I think you're lying, and it probably has nothing to do with him. Or if it does, that isn't the reason."

"As expected, you caught me. Alright, I'll tell you, then. The 'rents are sending me to a monastery so I'm living it up while I can. Got a problem with that?" Niou lied through his teeth. "That's it." He saw no reason to tell the truth; doing so would probably only make things worse. He knew that Yukimura knew he was lying again, yet for some reason, Yukimura didn't call him on it. Smirking, Niou stuffed his hands in his pockets, racquet tucked under his arm. "They really should make these clubs co-ed. I'd probably work better with Yagyuu if he were a girl."

Neither Sanada or Yagyuu could have possibly looked more awkward than they did at that moment.

"Well, if looking up his skirt during practice would help . . . " Yukimura laughed; both Sanada and Yagyuu's faces turned the slightest shade of pink. "Skirts are out, but if you can come up with any ideas, please let me know." Still chuckling to himself – the image of Yagyuu in a skirt was amusing and horrifying at the same time – Yukimura turned away and walked to a nearby bench, putting his racquet away and pulling out a water bottle. "You're free to go," He called, shouldering his bag and waiting for Sanada to catch up. He hadn't been successful in getting Niou to spill anything useful; it would be up to Yagyuu from here.

Niou seemed relieved. He sauntered toward his own bag, stuffing his racquet and several balls he'd picked up along the way inside. "See ya when I see ya." He said, not even looking back or waiting for Yagyuu to reply as he made his way to the gate.

Well, it was now or never. Yagyuu's racquet clattered to the ground as he took a step forward. "Niou-kun." He called to Niou's back. "Wait. Please." He was surprised when Niou stopped at the call of his name, and even more so when Niou turned back to him, watching expectantly.

"Yeah? What." Niou's arms folded across his chest, watching Yagyuu. The fuck did he want this time? This had better be good, Yagyuu was unnecessarily cutting into time he could otherwise be using to choose his next target.

"Is that it? Is that why you've been such an asshole this year? I am not good enough to be your partner anymore, because I'm not a woman?" Yagyuu held his ground, jaw tight and gaze fixed pointedly on Niou. "I think I at least deserve an explanation. If you don't want to play doubles with me anymore, fine. But cut the shit out. You're not only throwing me off, but everyone else, too. No one knows how to talk to you or act around you anymore, and it's bringing down the whole team. We're not a team because we're all best friends or brothers or whatever you want to call it. We're a team because even if we don't particularly like each other, we trust and respect each other. Friendship is nothing but an added benefit." Yagyuu took a deep breath – if he continued like this for too long, he would eventually say some things he would regret later. "You're losing both. You can't expect any of us to give you our trust or respect if you won't give us the same in return."

Niou looked at the gunk he'd just dug out of his ear on his finger. Was Yagyuu ever going to just shut up? It was like listening to a broken record: Nothing he hadn't heard before. "Tits would help, but are you done yet?" He waited for Yagyuu's slow nod before continuing. "What, are you jealous or something? Poor wittle Yagyuu doesn't want Big Bad Niou to have any form of love life because it interferes with his big tennis plan? Or is it that you just want me all to yourself?"

Yagyuu could feel his skin heating up as his anger rose. "I give up. Clearly you are far too fucking self-absorbed for anything I say to carry any weight. I will speak to Yukimura tomorrow morning about splitting us up if that is how you want it." He growled, teeth grinding angrily. "In return, please stop calling me for advice about your stupid relationships. I don't fucking care. Just be fucking happy I haven't outed you already."

"Sure, why not. Might want to take me out of your phone book, too." Niou retorted, shrugging. "But don't think saying anything will help. You know how fast rumors spread around here, it wouldn't take me thirty seconds to put everyone against you and not believe a word you say."

Yagyuu was too angry to speak any further and stormed away, racquet swept off the ground and bag grabbed violently as he left the court. Un-fucking-believable. On further thought, maybe he wasn't just blowing off steam when he'd said he gave up. Maybe he really was giving up on Niou being any sort of semi-respectable person now. Yagyuu continued to tell himself that until he reached his bus stop. Somewhere between the bus ride home and the time Yagyuu finally closed his textbooks and crawled into bed, he wasn't sure he could continue thinking he had given up. The only thing Yagyuu thought of when he drifted off to sleep was how he was going to convince Niou (and perhaps himself) that this wasn't some sort of weird jealous infatuation thing; that Yagyuu truly did care.

Yagyuu did not show up for classes the next morning, nor was he seen at practice that afternoon. Niou chalked it up to cowardice, Yukimura was certain that Yagyuu just needed some time off. After most of the team had given their theories, Yanagi finally cleared his throat and spoke up – Yagyuu was "ill" and would probably be back the following day. When one of the first years asked if Yanagi-senpai really was psychic, Yanagi simply smiled and nodded . . . while discreetly patting the phone in his pocket.

Twenty-seven minutes after practice had ended found Yanagi and Kirihara at Yagyuu's front door; Yanagi with a small package wrapped in brown paper and Kirihara with a brightly coloured cake box. As much as Yanagi had protested that he wished to go alone, Kirihara had continued to beg to come with – if Yagyuu-senpai was sick, then he needed lots of stuff (like cake) to make him get better fast. There was only so long before the begging whines turned into demands given with a puffed chest and square shoulders, and Yanagi had eventually relented.

Reminding Kirihara to behave himself Yanagi slid the door open, calling out their entrance in a soft voice as shoes were removed and set aside. The younger Yagyuu sibling poked her head around a corner, looking very much as if she were trying to hold back a fit of giggles. The fact that someone else was home gave Yanagi some relief – Kirihara liked Yagyuu's sister well enough; perhaps she would be able to keep him busy and give Yanagi some privacy with her brother.

"Misa-chan," He greeted warmly. "Is your brother home?" Misa nodded, finally unable to hold back her giggles. "Hiroshi's in, er, his room. Go ahead." Yanagi bowed slightly, thanking her and following a familiar path toward the back of the house and his final destination.

"Micchan, look!" Kirihara grinned excitedly, using one hand to balance his box and the other to catch the girl's arm and drag her towards the kitchen. Even if Yanagi-san hadn't thought it was an awesome cake, she was sure to appreciate it.

Yanagi breathed a sigh of relief, silently willing the girl to keep Kirihara busy for at least half an hour. Upon reaching a closed door he knocked once and spoke. "Yagyuu?"

There was a shuffling of feet and finally the door opened. Yanagi had been prepared for what he saw, but it didn't make it any less shocking. It was Yagyuu all right; the same hair, the same face, the same eyes and glasses. But at the same time, it wasn't Yagyuu – the hair was slightly longer, face more round and Yagyuu was no longer as tall as he had been. The biggest difference between this Yagyuu and the Yagyuu he had seen just the day before was the breasts now protruding from his chest.

"I see what you meant on the phone. It certainly is strange." Yanagi said calmly, stepping inside and latching the door behind him. "I brought it," he held up the package. "It should be fine." And on second thought. "Oh, and Akaya's here, too. He refused to take no for an answer. I hope Misa can keep him busy until we're done."

"Thank you," Yagyuu replied, voice still sounding strange in his own ears. "I'm sorry for asking this of you, but I didn't know who else to call." He shifted nervously in his spot, two fingers tugging at the ends of his own hair. He had absolutely no idea how this could have happened, it simply wasn't logical or anything he could easily explain with anything he knew of science: one simply did not go to sleep a man and wake up a woman.

"It is not a problem. I've taken care of things for you at school." Yanagi didn't bother to ask if he could sit before taking a seat in Yagyuu's desk chair, setting the package on top of the desk and unwrapping it carefully. "It was my sister's before she graduated, but it should fit just fine." He unfolded the school uniform, laying each piece on the desk for inspection.

The bottom of the package appeared to be nothing but a pile of fabric and straps, but a closer look revealed that it was in fact several brassieres. Yagyuu picked up the skirt and held it up to his waist. Certainly, this may have been a drastic measure, but he had no idea how long he would be stuck with this body and honestly, school was more important than his pride as a man at the moment. A day or two of missed classes he could get away with with no problems, but any longer . . . no.

"I'll try it on," Yagyuu said quietly. Under normal circumstances he would not have minded Yanagi being there while he changed, but now the very idea of there being another man in the room made him feel extremely self-conscious. He stood clutching the skirt for a few moments before Yanagi finally stood and opened the door. "I'll be out with Akaya. Call when you're ready."

Once Yanagi closed the door again, Yagyuu simply stared at the clothes laid out for him. First things first: Figure out how the hell those brassiere things worked and which one would actually fit (he could have kissed Yanagi for going out of his way to bring several sizes and styles).

What Yanagi found upon entering the den was a half demolished cake and both Kirihara and Misa sprawled on the floor reading some comic book or another. When he cleared his throat Kirihara looked up. "Done already?" He didn't appear to notice the piece of cake stuck to his chin.

"Not quite yet. He--" Misa giggled again. "Had to use the toilet." In cases like this, it was just easier to lie to Kirihara. He really didn't want to have to explain that Yagyuu had somehow turned into a woman and was in actuality trying on women's clothing.

"Ew, gross. Next time he's taking a dump, just tell me he died or something." Kirihara made a disgusted face and turned back to his comic. "Maybe he doesn't need the cake then, if he's gonna be taking atomic shits."

"Don't be crude, Akaya." Yanagi chastised, picking up what was left of the cake and putting it away properly. "You use the toilet as well, it's nothing to be ashamed of or grossed out by." Sometimes Kirihara really was a child, despite how often he begged to differ.

Twenty minutes later Yanagi was sitting with his back against a wall, watching Kirihara and the youngest Yagyuu jump around the room yelling at each other and swinging their Wiimotes around. He almost didn't hear Yagyuu call over the din, and when Yagyuu called again, louder this time, he got back to his feet and made his way back to the bedroom.

Yagyuu looked slightly more comfortable than he had; the shirt was a bit tight but everything else seemed to fit just fine. Overall, Yanagi thought, Yagyuu fit the part, and perhaps not so surprisingly, rather beautifully. "It looks good," Yanagi complimented, walking slowly around Yagyuu to make sure everything had been put on correctly and fit more-or-less okay. The clothes looked fine, but something was still off. But what was it -- "Your legs. They're too hairy to be a girl's legs." Apparently whatever force had decided that Yagyuu needed to be a girl had not thought far enough ahead to give him hairless legs along with his . . . her curves. "You'll have to shave them."

"Can't I just wear stockings? That's what my mother does when she doesn't have time to do it before work." Yagyuu did not like the idea of shaving body parts that were not his face -- not that he'd even tried that yet.

"It's against school rules. Female students aren't allowed to wear them." Yanagi hated to be the bearer of bad news, so to speak, but getting into trouble needlessly was not something he wanted Yagyuu to face on top of this.

"I see." Yagyuu frowned. Oh, well. If he had to do it, he had to do it, it was as simple as that. "Thank you for your help, Yanagi-kun. I will give you a call in the morning if anything . . . changes. I suppose since Kirihara came all this way to see me, I might as well say hello." Even if it would be horribly embarrassing. He'd just have to stay far enough away from Kirihara that he didn't notice he was shorter than he had been. Most of the rest of the changes could easily be explained through costume play. And so, Yagyuu steeled himself and pulled open the door once again.

". . ." Kirihara needn't have said anything, the howling laughter upon catching sight of his upperclassman in their school's girl's uniform said plenty for him. "I, you," Kirihara wheezed, taking in deep breaths before trying to choke out a few more words. "Yagyuu-senpai makes a hot chick." He finally managed to sputter out between bouts of raucous laughter.

"Errr . . ." Yagyuu glanced uncomfortably at Yanagi. "Of course, that was the whole point. Shall we see if Yukimura-kun agrees tomorrow? We can pretend I'm not even me." Perfect. If Kirihara agreed, there would be one day of being able to pretend it was all just game.

"Well, duh! Except, well. Actually, I think Yukimura-buchou would know it's you right off the bat. Maybe like, Marui-senpai. He needs to think he can get pretty girls. Or Niou-senpai, all he sees are tits and ass." Kirihara didn't seem to notice the glare Yanagi was giving him for saying more rude things (particularly in front of Yagyuu's younger sister), nor did he notice that Yagyuu had stiffened and darkened slightly at the mention of Niou's name.

"Right. I think we should be going now, Akaya. You don't want your mother to get mad for you being late to dinner again, do you?" Yanagi stepped behind Kirihara, one hand on his shoulder and squeezing. He gave Yagyuu an apologetic look as he steered Kirihara to the door and their shoes. "You can keep it as long as you like," He said vaguely, pulling sneakers over socked feet and grabbing hold of the door handle. "Thank you for having us, and we will see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Micchan! Bye, Yagyuu-senpai!" Kirihara waved happily on his way out the door. Oh man, this was going to be awesome.

When his teammates left Yagyuu sighed, then glared at his now cackling sister. "You keep quiet." He grumbled, turning back to his bedroom. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. However, something Kirihara had said was giving him an idea.


Yagyuu was beginning to suspect she lived in a bizarro-world; some crazy universe where no one saw anything weird about people magically changing sex overnight. Other than her teammates snickering for ten minutes or so upon her first arrival as a woman, no one said a thing or even seemed to notice that this was not the Yagyuu Hiroshi they usually saw. Perhaps not so surprisingly, Niou seemed interested in Yagyuu again.

"Heeeh, I see what you did there. You are jealous, so you're playing this stupid game just to get my attention. Nice tits, though, how much did the rush delivery cost?" Niou asked, thinking nothing of drumming the palms of his hands on Yagyuu's breasts.

Somehow Yagyuu did not believe her glare came off nearly as intimidating as it had when she had been male. "Yes. That's it, I've got an underwire digging into my side because I want to." Yagyuu snapped back, voice dripping with sarcasm. "However, I assure you they are quite real. Now if you wouldn't mind," She grabbed hold of Niou's wrist tightly, fingernails digging into his skin. "Please stop touching them as if you own them."

"Yeah?" Niou pushed on, yanking his wrist free. "So where's the proof? Give me five minutes and I could have a nice set of hooters, too. They aren't that hard to fake." Okay, boobs might not have been hard to fake, and to be honest neither were hips. Yagyuu's legs had always been rather skinny, and it wasn't at all odd for girls to have muscled legs. Hair could be explained with a wig, the face could be explained with an illusion created by nothing but makeup. Height, however, was not something that could easily be faked – at least, not in a situation like this. Yagyuu had always been taller than him, and now came about eye-level with Niou's chin. Even still, Niou suspected this all to be nothing but an elaborate practical joke.

"The proof is right in front of you." Yagyuu muttered, arms folding across her chest almost protectively. If Niou was too stupid to know what real breasts felt like, it wasn't worth trying to convince him – even if she showed him outright, there was no telling what sort of potentially painful things Niou would do to prove otherwise.

"I just told you, give me five minutes and I could have realistic tits, too. Saying the proof is right in front of me doesn't mean shit." Niou's nose twitched.

The conversation continued along a similar vein, and soon Yagyuu was far too irritated to even attempt trying to explain it to Niou again. "Give me your hand." She said, grabbing hold of Niou's wrist again. This was going to be embarrassing and probably went against everything most girls would do, but if Niou was not going to accept the fact that Yagyuu's breasts were real and continue to argue to the contrary, then proof – undeniable proof – was what Yagyuu would give him. With flushed cheeks and a deep breath Yagyuu stepped forward, lifting her skirt slightly with one hand and pressing Niou's hand between her legs with the other. "That isn't something you can fake without an expensive operation and a long time to heal, asshole." She hissed.

Niou's eyes widened – Yagyuu was right, there wasn't anything there that otherwise should be. He'd seen Yagyuu in the showers plenty of times over the past couple of years, he definitely should not be lacking in the penis department. Niou snatched his hand back as if he'd been burned, staring at Yagyuu and mouth flapping as he desperately tried to speak.

"I told you I wasn't faking it." Yagyuu mumbled, face still flushed with embarrassment. Perhaps that had been taking it a little too far, but now she was beginning to realize just why her sister always said boys were stupid. "Well, now you know. Convenient for you, isn't it? You don't have to play doubles with me anymore. I can't stay on the team like this. I wish you luck with whomever they get to replace me." Some things, at least, were beginning to fall into place. She wasn't sure how long she would remain in this body, nor how long it would take to see her plan through, but Yagyuu was going to do everything she could to show Niou just what it felt like to be pushed aside.

At some point Niou had managed to regain his voice. "Holy fuck," He rasped, taking a step back and staring at Yagyuu. "Holy fuck." He repeated, not entirely sure what else he could say. Something just seemed so . . . wrong about this. He was Niou Masaharu. He was one of Rikkai's biggest players and despite what his sister liked to tell him, completely straight. There was no possible way he could be attracted to his former? -- albeit now female – doubles partner. Yeah. That had to be it. It wasn't Yagyuu he was attracted to, it was Yagyuu's new body. However, if Yagyuu was a girl now, it didn't matter, right? It wasn't any different than Yumi or Miyuki or Sana. They were girls, he was a boy, that was just how the world worked. But at the same time, Niou knew. He knew that Yagyuu was – had been – a man, despite the breasts and distinct mound he'd just felt. Feeling more confused than he ever had in his entire life, Niou simply nodded to whatever it was Yagyuu was saying, then excused himself. "Told Akaya I'd go to the arcade with him today, sorry."

Watching Niou's retreating back, Yagyuu smiled to herself. She had been right, she'd have Niou hook, line and sinker in no time flat. These were dangerous waters, she would have to tread carefully if she wanted to accomplish what she set out to do. It would take hours of explicit planning and leading Niou on, but it just might be worth it in the end.


Over the next several weeks Niou spent most of his free time chasing after Yagyuu; catching up to her between classes just to say hi, presenting her with small gifts and single flowers several times a week and all around trying to get her to pay attention to him. Yagyuu knew Niou's usual style – if he couldn't get his girl to date him within two weeks of courting her, he gave up on her and moved on to another.

Twenty-six days after Niou first asked, Yagyuu agreed to date him. Phase one was complete, and phase two began now. If Niou's usual tendencies did not change, then Yagyuu had a relatively accurate timeline of how the game would play out.

Their first real date went off without a hitch. Niou had behaved himself surprisingly well and had kept his hands to himself; he had acted as if he were the perfect gentleman and seemed genuinely interested in doing the activities that Yagyuu wanted to do. When they parted ways at the end of their date, Niou surprised Yagyuu once again by shyly asking if he could kiss her. Yagyuu could not yet tell if Niou was serious or just trying to get what he wanted as he had with other girls, but she had agreed and gave Niou a small peck on the corner of his mouth.

As time went on, Niou seemed to become more and more infatuated with Yagyuu. He went out of his way to see her whenever possible and called or sent a text message when he couldn't, he seemed perfectly content to just sit quietly and just watch tv with her head in his lap. Yagyuu thought it was particularly strange that Niou was still acting like a lovesick puppy after all this time; everything she had seen Niou do and say with the other girls he had dated contradicted everything he was doing any saying now. Perhaps Niou had found what he was looking for -- someone who could keep up with him in just about every aspect of his life, someone who could be just as sly and cunning as he was and someone who was predictable as often as they were surprising.

It was this thought, the thought that maybe Niou had finally begun to grow up, that had Yagyuu beginning to second-guess whether or not she would be able to continue with her plan. Their six week anniversary had come and passed, and thus far Niou had not even tried to ask her for anything but a kiss. Niou had broken virtually all of his self-imposed rules thus far, and even he could not attempt to explain why. It did not make any sense to him – most girls he was finished with in a month or less: get the goods and get the fuck out. Yet, for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to do that in this situation. He had invested too much time and energy in this relationship to give up, and as strange as it sounded to him, he did not particularly want to give up. There was just something about Yagyuu that kept him coming back for more.

It had been over three months since Yagyuu had woken up that fateful morning. By now she had come to the conclusion that she was simply not going to change back into her former self; she would simply have to continue living as the woman she was. Her relationship with Niou grew as the weeks passed, what had formerly been little more than soft tight-lipped kisses turned to all-out makeout sessions complete with wandering tongues and mouths and the occasional lost article of clothing.

Late one Saturday night found both Niou and Yagyuu curled in Niou's bed. The concert they had been at in Tokyo had run late, and they'd barely managed to catch the last train home. All it had taken was a single phone call for Yagyuu's parents to agree to allow her to stay the night at the Niou home. Yagyuu's arm wrapped around Niou's waist, her head on his chest and his hand stroking through her hair. Tonight would be the night, Yagyuu decided. Tonight would be the night that would make them or break them, but at this point she was quite certain that she would not be able to follow her original plan of paying Niou back for every atrocious act he had committed and breaking him far worse than he had ever broken any other girl. It was perfectly clear to Yagyuu that to do so would not make her any better than him, and in fact would probably make her be the lower of the two.

"Masaharu," She said quietly, shifting to lift herself up on one arm to hover over him.

"Hm?" Niou's head tilted back slightly, watching Yagyuu's face with a fond smile. "What is it?"

"Want to do it?" Yagyuu was surprised at how easily the words came out.

"Do what?"

Yagyuu watched Niou's face for a moment. He really did not seem to understand what she was getting at. When he still did not respond, she clarified. "It. Sex. Do you want to have sex with me."

For the first time in months, Yagyuu saw a truly shocked expression on Niou's face. "Right now? Do you mean it? I mean, are you sure?" It wasn't as if he'd never thought about it. In fact, he had already decided that he would wait until he thought it was the right time. But if Yagyuu had other plans, he certainly was not going to turn her down. "As if you have to ask." In one quick movement their positions had been reversed; Yagyuu's back pinned to the mattress as Niou's head dipped, tongue trailing along her lower lip gently before pressing closer to fully kiss her.

"I do not do anything I am not sure of." She murmured against his mouth, slender hands sliding down his stomach to loosen his pants. Yagyuu's eyes slid closed as her tongue danced with Niou's, heaving a soft sigh when she felt his hands working their way down the buttons of her blouse. She shivered when his fingers slipped under thin fabric and ran over the bared skin, the hand she had been tugging at his shirt with tightening and her back arching slightly.

It all seemed to play out slowly; clothing being pulled off one article at a time and tongues and hands sliding over every dip and contour they could reach. Yagyuu eventually had regained some control, straddling Niou's legs as she bent over him, tongue swirling around a nipple before biting gently and continuing down his chest and stomach. A hand slid between their bodies and fingers danced teasingly over Niou's hip for a moment before moving to wrap loosely around his erection. She began to stroke slowly, a bit unsteady and unsure, but Niou's appreciative moan seemed to give her the confidence she need to continue, grip tightening slightly and hand moving at a more steady pace.

After a few minutes Niou stilled Yagyuu's hand, pulling on her wrist and urging her forward. He murmured quietly in her ear before slipping aside to rummage through a small tin box on his bedroom floor. Tossing the lubricant aside temporarily Niou set to work on the condom wrapper, tearing the foil with his teeth and finally rolling it on. Yagyuu laid back, her legs spread open and feeling quite vulnerable.

"It'll be fine," Niou murmured as he slicked several fingers with the lube. She was beautiful, absolutely fucking beautiful and Niou couldn't wait to make her completely his. "Just like I said." He continued as he slid between her legs, urging her to lift her his just high enough for him to stuff one of his pillows under her back. She winced slightly when a finger slowly began to penetrate her anus, eyes clenched shut and her chest heaving. Niou leaned over her, lips grazing across her collarbone in a somewhat comforting manner as his hand worked, willing her to relax enough for him to work in a second digit.

His free hand roamed her body, caressing bare skin softly as he sat back again. He shifted, hand sliding down to cup the mound between her legs; squeezing gently before letting a finger slip between the lips to tease at her vaginal opening, letting it slide in just far enough to get his finger wet before moving the short distance to her clitoris.

Yagyuu gasped quietly, her breaths audible with each twist of of his fingers and stroke of his thumb. She felt as if she would die, her senses assaulted with far too many scents and sounds and touches for her to handle much longer. "Please," She begged on a hissing breath. "Just do it, I can't take it anymore." Her hips rocked between Niou's hands; low, pleading moans bleeding from her lips with each push of his fingers.

"Shh," Niou muttered quietly, his hands pulling away completely and grasping her knees. He watched her for a moment before hooking one arm under a knee, pulling her closer and positioning himself. He stroked his erection for a moment before guiding himself to her entrance, never looking away from her eyes as he inched his way in. Yagyuu gasped, her fingers clenching the sheets tightly and and head tossed back. She could have screamed. Her body demanded more and Niou seemed to be plenty willing to give it, his hips rolling against her has he bent over her, mouth latching onto her neck and a hand massaging her breast.

"Hnn..." Yagyuu clawed at Niou's back, her arms wrapping tightly around him and legs raised to hook around his waist. It was only a few minutes before Niou reached for her wrist, guiding her hand between their bodies. She took the hint well enough, the hand traveling down her stomach to her crotch. The wet opening seemed to welcome her fingers, the muscles constricting with Niou's every thrust and the slight roughness of her palm against her clit.

Their moans mingled as minutes passed, their movements becoming more and more desperate and senses overloading. Niou let out a hissing moan when he came, hips thrusting quickly as Yagyuu's body tightened around him. She was still panting, still clinging to him with one arm when he finally pulled out, a quick, deep kiss planted on Yagyuu's mouth. She clearly wasn't finish yet and Niou took it in stride, sliding down her body to lie between her legs, kissing along her inner thigh as Yagyuu pulled her hand free.

His tongue laved over her slit, the tip teasing at the sensitive nub before sliding into her. His hand soon joined, two fingers pushing in knuckle-deep and mouth working her clit; licking, sucking, and gently scraping his teeth over folded flesh. Yagyuu's hips rolled against him, one hand curling tightly into his hair while the other clutched her breasts, her body trembling with pleasure. The longer Niou worked, the more Yagyuu wanted, yet at the same time the less she thought she could take before her body simply exploded.

Yagyuu's throat was raw by the time her body finally let loose; all the tension in her muscles seemed to melt away under the careful attention of Niou's mouth and hands and the desperate thrusts of her own pelvis. She lay back, chest heaving and body finally sated. Niou still sat between her legs, a somewhat sheepish grin on his face as he pulled the condom off, tied it, and tossed it into his garbage pail. It was then that Niou did yet another thing he was certain he'd never done: He crawled up and lay beside Yagyuu, an arm wrapping loosely around her waist as she tucked her head under his chin.

They were content to lay quietly, basking in each other's warmth until it was too cold to continue. Two sets of Niou's pajamas were donned and they crawled beneath the blankets, Yagyuu's glasses stored safely away before they settled down to sleep.

The next morning found Yagyuu sitting up blearily in bed. Her chest felt tight, and upon stretching her arms over her head, she noticed something: her stomach was cold. Her top had risen enough when stretching to bare skin . . . that wasn't right, the pajamas had been two sizes too big the previous night. A hand immediately went to her chest – perfectly flat and – "Niou-kun." Yagyuu's voice was raspy and felt lower than it had been.

"'S M'aru." Niou mumbled in his sleep, rolling over in attempt to prevent being wakened any further.

"Niou-kun," Yagyuu said more urgently, reaching out to shake Niou's shoulder. "Wake up, asshole."

Niou growled but finally rolled over, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "What is i-- Oh, holy fuck." He stared at Yagyuu. The shock of seeing Yagyuu as a male once again did a better job of waking him up than a bucket of ice water ever could have. "You – you're -"

"I've noticed." Yagyuu replied solemnly, leaning over Niou for just long enough to reach his glasses and slide them on his face. "I suppose this means it's over." He said, perhaps a little sadly.

"Why's that." Niou yawned, flopping back down and yanking the blanket up over his shoulders. "Too early, go back to sleep." It was Sunday and he could still see the sun in his window, therefore, far too early to be awake.

Yagyuu stared at Niou. Was he just sleep-talking and it hadn't actually clicked yet? "I'm not a girl anymore."

"So what." Niou really didn't care. Yagyuu was Yagyuu, no matter the form his body took. He could turn into an elephant and Niou would still like him. "Who cares? I don't."

"Surprised" couldn't even begin to describe how Yagyuu felt at the moment. So many thoughts were clouding his mind yet . . . somehow, he didn't seem to mind. At Niou's insistence he finally lay down again, watching Niou carefully. "Are you sure?"

"Do you want to know?"

"Know what?" There was nothing about Niou that he was particularly curious about at the moment.

Niou's gaze seemed to pierce right through Yagyuu. "Why I did it. Why I used all of those girls."

Yagyuu's eyes widened slightly – yes, that. He certainly did want to know. "Go ahead."

Lashes fluttered over Niou's cheeks as his eyes closed, a slow breath drawn in and released. "My sister's fault, I guess. She said I was gay and that I spent too much time with the team, you in particular. So I did everything I could to prove her wrong. It scared me, yanno? It would've been one thing to have one of you guys tell me that, but, well, she's family. It's different. She was right, though. I am. At least I can still say I've never had vaginal sex, heh."

Never? "Not once?" That seemed . . . bizarre, for as many stories Yagyuu had heard.

"Not once." Niou replied, eyes opening again to look at Yagyuu. "Scout's honor. Probably would have for you, but . . . heh. No need for that now."

"Somehow, it is relieving to hear that." That was all Yagyuu needed to hear at the moment. He scooted forward on the bed, pressing a kiss right between Niou's eyes before letting his head rest back on the pillow. "Sleep now, talk later."

Niou smiled sleepily, a hand reaching out to tug Yagyuu's glasses off of his face. "I couldn't have said it any better myself."


Six months had passed since the waking up with breasts incident, and thus far life had more-or-less returned to normal. Niou and Yagyuu were once again on top of their game and dominating the doubles courts – their skills were top notch and their partnership unrivaled. They were closer now than they had ever been, and it definitely showed.

"'S your turn to come shopping with me, Niou-senpai." Kirihara drawled from the club room door.

"Get Renji to do it, I've got a date." Niou replied as he ran a comb through his hair. "Tell him I'll pay him for it tomorrow."

"Yagyuu-senpai can come too. It's better with more people, right?" At least, that was what he thought – more people equaled less each person had to carry back. Kirihara frowned – Niou was not going to get away with it this time.

"Awww, come on! I'll even buy you lunch tomorrow. For the rest of the week. And yakiniku over the weekend." When in doubt, bribe Kirihara.

While the promise of free yakiniku did sound tempting, Kirihara held his ground. "No. You're supposed to come with me, and you're coming with me if I have to handcuff and drag you."

"I would do what he says, Niou-kun." Niou didn't know at what point Yagyuu had arrived, but he knew he really didn't have a choice in the matter now. Yagyuu moved past Kirihara towards his locker, stopping only to drop a hand on Niou's shoulder, lean close and whisper into his ear. "Only I get to handcuff you."

With red ears Niou finally relented. "Fine. But Yagyuu's coming and you're buying us both food."

"Maybe." Kirihara replied, hands stuffed into his pockets as he leaned against the door. "Yagyuu-senpai's better with money than me and you can't be trusted with it, anyway." He grinned, dodging the comb Niou had thrown at him.

"I may be a cheat, a liar, and all-around badass, but I'm not a thief." Niou made a face, lunging at Kirihara and effectively chasing him out the door.

"Don't kill him yet, he still has the shopping list." Yagyuu called as he followed behind at a sedate pace, feeling absolutely no sympathy for Kirihara when Niou tackled him to the ground and launched a tickle attack.

"Kill first, ask questions later!" Niou hollered over Kirihara's shrieks and ear-splitting squeals. "Say uncle and I'll let you up."

"Uncle. Uncle! UNCLE!" Kirihara screamed, fists desperately trying to beat Niou off of him. With a grin Niou hopped back to his feet, a hand held out to Kirihara to help him back to his feet.

"Now about this food thing, I vote we go get that first. I'm hungry."

"Go die."

"You first, sugar cookie."

"Only if you promise never to call me that again."

The amused look on Yagyuu's face did not fade when he murmured to himself. "Boys are stupid."
Tags: !!user: sharpie, fandom: tenipuri, norific, pairing: niou/yagyuu, school: rikkaidai
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